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You’re not alone if you kept opening and closing the refrigerator to see if the food fairies had delivered anything delectable to your house by magic today. We have also been there and done that if you had a few anxious moments trying to find your spectacles, which were on your face. In actuality, most of us share more similarities than we think—even if they are little similarities that we seldom ever discuss. These are 50 hilarious things that everyone has secretly engaged in. We’ll keep your secret safe, so don’t worry! Here are 50 Words You Hear Every Day But Don’t Know What They Mean in case you’re performing any more dirty deeds.
Does it make you laugh, John Cleese?”
1 | Referring to someone as your “buddy” when you don’t know their name
You’ll be damned if you can recall, but you swear he must have introduced himself to you at some time. You’re all set, friend!
2 | Examining a product closely at the grocery store because someone else is in front of the one you really want to buy
It can be awkward to say “excuse me” to a stranger so you can get a bag of cauliflower rice, and sometimes that’s just not how you feel. Thus, you’ve wasted your precious time studying everything there is to know about a jar of gherkins while you’ve been at the grocery store waiting for someone to move out of your way.
3 | Saying the incorrect thing out of panic when someone says “bless you”
When you sneezed and someone said, “Bless you,” most people would say, “Thank you,” but for some reason, your confused brain said, “You too,” or “You’re welcome.”
4 | Falling and making it into a humorous routine
Naturally, you tricked everyone. Naturally, we all thought that rather than falling on your rear end from a stumble, you were initiating an impromptu and extremely funky dance routine as your arms started flailing and your legs collapsed behind you.
5 | Checking out the internet on your phone while taking a break from your pc
Perhaps there’s something newer or more intriguing on the smaller internet than what the larger one has to offer. It’s like refreshing the newsfeed, saying, “Oh, look, let’s check Facebook again, but this time on a different screen!”
6 | Taking a book to the beach but failing to open it
You were so going to curl up with that new best-seller and read for a little. Instead, you just went to the water, snapped a dozen foot selfies, and went to bed.
7 | Pressing the elevator button more than once
We know the elevator is probably coming because the small light is on, but we can’t resist. What happens if we need to hit the button one more time to let the elevator know how urgent we are? If not, what would prevent an elevator from taking its sweet time? It won’t be apparent to the machine that we’re in a rush unless we’re really mashing that button.
8 | Reading a food box’s instructions, tossing it in the trash, and then taking it out because you’ve already forgotten everything
Why do we assume that we will be able to recall precisely how many teaspoons of milk or water we require? See also 23 Rude Things You Didn’t Realize You’re Doing Every Day for more actions you should be reconsidering.
9 | Lying to the doctor when they inquire about your use of alcoholic beverages
Though “one a month” sounds suspicious, we all do it. Please respond honestly to this question; your doctors are there to assist you, not to pass judgment. Check out 40 topics You Should Never Lie to Your Doctor About After 40 for more information on the topics you should definitely come clean about.
10 | Texting the person you’re talking about by mistake
You’re thinking about Bob and want to text Karen about him, but you inadvertently look up Bob’s name in your contact list. Even the best of us experience it. It’s truly how you bounce back that counts, though.
11 | Experiencing an inanimate item as a personal sufferer
Obviously, your smartphone is being a jerk and hating you if it can’t find a wifi signal. When the printer decides to jam, it’s because it deliberately chooses to make your life harder because it still harbors a secret vendetta against you in particular. Technology malfunctions intentionally rather than just stopping operating, which is why we frequently lose our temper at inanimate items.
12 | Consuming a bag of chips that is “family size” by yourself
You are not to blame! I was watching The Godfather on cable, and the bag was on your lap. It’s a really long movie, and there’s no emergency kill switch on Doritos, so you have to close the bag before it’s too late.
13 | Sending back an email after weeks of non-respondence with the subject line “Somehow this ended up in my spam folder”
Of course it did. Check out the 50 Annoying Things Everyone Does for more things you probably do every day.
14 | Mispronouncing the name portion while singing “Happy Birthday”
You’re attending a birthday celebration for someone you hardly know. It’s time to sing “Happy Birthday” to them. You enthusiastically belt out every word, but when you reach the line where you have to say their name, you find that you can’t quite recall what the birthday child’s or girl’s name is. You stutter something incoherently, praying that your abrupt volume shift isn’t too noticeable.
15| Using a friend’s restroom and glancing into their medication cabinet
Whose business exactly are their prescriptions if they’re not yours?
16 | Turning down the music on your car sound to improve your visibility
with what precise way would lowering the music aid us with parallel parking? Who knows? This is but one example of the many amusing things individuals do that defy easy explanations.
17 | Holding your phone in your hand and looking for it
An estimated one million times a day, the average person misplaces their phone. That causes most of us to feel both frustrated and hilarious, especially if we begin looking for it while it’s still in our palm. Before realizing what you were doing, you might have even used the flashlight feature on your phone to search under your bed for it.
18 | Pretending to be considering something at a store even when the price is too high
You’ve probably gone grocery, furniture, or clothing shopping and been truly shocked by the ridiculous price tag on an item. But instead of becoming scared and leaving, you’ve stayed there for a few minutes acting as though you’re still thinking about buying it while you wait for your blood pressure to return to a more stable level.
19 | Walking down the street while wearing headphones and acting like you’re in a movie
It’s the soundtrack of your very own action-adventure film, in which you play the lead role! It’s more than simply some music for a stroll in the afternoon! In this specific scene, all the extras are shivering with admiration as they watch you walk down the street in perfect rhythm to whichever song happens to be your current favorite.
20 | Using an empty tube of wrapping paper as a lightsaber
When you run out of wrapping paper when wrapping presents, you are left with a cardboard tube. How do you proceed? The answer is obvious: you start spinning it like Ewan McGregor and humming lightsaber noises. (What more can be done?)
21 | Providing some blatantly obvious stage laughs
Fake laughter has a lot of benefits, beyond simply being considerate. Occasionally, pretending to laugh masks the fact that we truly don’t understand what was just stated.
22 | Using a towel to sit on your bed for longer than is necessary
You are done taking a shower. Time to put on some clothes. But you can’t seem to get motivated when you’re sitting on your bed in a towel. You simply look up at the ceiling and consider… Not much at all. It’s similar to meditation—only with a towel.
23 | Overanalyzing the look
We try to achieve the ideal balance between maintaining eye contact and averting our gaze since we don’t want to appear unsettling. Unfortunately, we often overanalyze things and spend so much time asking ourselves questions like, “Am I staring at her too hard? I should look away casually, and then look back, maybe after three seconds, or is that too long?” that we fail to hear a word they have to say.
24 | Getting out of bed to go to the “bathroom” but finding yourself in your closet instead
Hey, we’re all human after all.
25 | Bringing far too much with you from your car in an attempt to “make it in one trip”
An additional journey? Crazy. It would be better if you merely held the milk between your knees, balanced four plastic bags on each arm, and bunny hopped into the house.
26 | Purchasing twenty tees, but only using three of them
You simply never stop washing them. You’re not alone; everyone does this.
27 | Visiting the beach and searching for the ideal location for forty-five minutes
Which beach blanket should I lay down—here, facing the ocean, or over there, a few yards away, facing the exact same view? It might be wise to give it some more thought.
28 | Purchasing enough fresh vegetables for a week and then not eating any of them
You continued to order delivery after work for whatever reason, and before you realized it, the vegetables had gone bad.
29 | Acting as though receiving a birthday card devoid of cash doesn’t make you unhappy
Even so, you still want a fiver in there at forty-three. You’re not by yourself!
30 | Composing a 9,593-word, irate email to a relative and forgetting to press send
Heave hooray! That was the best decision you could have made.
31 | Lying in a “Never Have I Ever” round.
Come on, no one is being completely honest during that game. It’s merely a means to boast about a daring and exciting past that was probably not quite as daring and exciting as you’ve made it out to be.
32 | Fake texting while capturing a selfie
Warning: You are not deceiving anyone. Everyone is aware of your true intentions. No one makes a duckface and texts at full arm’s length. It’s almost like you’re carrying a selfie stick!
33 | Pretending to have plans to leave a social gathering when in reality you have none at all
Okay, maybe it wouldn’t be too horrible to respond, “No thanks, I’m going to stay home and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns in my pajamas,” in response to an invitation. Nevermind, carry on lying.
34 | Taking out your phone to check the time, only to become engrossed in using it and completely lose track of the time
What’s so wonderful about an antique watch? There is no Facebook app included.
35 | Drawing back the shower curtain to make sure that it doesn’t conceal any serial killers
It’s likely that you’ve also leaped onto your bed to prevent the creature beneath it from snagging your legs.
36 | Imagining having a chat with someone you’ll probably never meet
When you give the spectacular farewell that you’ve been drafting and perfecting for months, that arrogant jerk at the office who doesn’t take you seriously won’t know what hit him. It is pure poetry, as if Oscar Wilde and William Shakespeare had a love child that refused to be bossed around the office by some jerk who can’t stop bragging about his Ivy League education. Even though you’ll never utter any of it aloud, it gives you enough joy to know that it’s all in your thoughts.
37 | Getting a response to your email, but first viewing your original message
Like you didn’t read what you just written!
38 | Dancing in your kitchen by yourself
Is there anything about a cupcake or a few dry tortilla chips that makes you want to dance a little? You’ve done it, you know it!
39 | Feeling like Adele in traffic only to find out there’s another car observing
Singing along to your favorite song in the car is one of life’s greatest pleasures, especially when you’re stuck in traffic and bored. But you’ve become so engrossed in your emotional performance of “Someone Like You” with the windows down that you completely forgot that other people could see you—including the car in the lane across from you who’s laughing heartily at your Grammy-worthy performance.
40 | Entering into a discussion that you were just listening in on
It’s common knowledge that listening in on someone else’s discussion is impolite, but why do people conduct such fascinating conversations in public if they didn’t want you to listen in? There have undoubtedly been whole dinners when you haven’t spoken to the person you’re eating with at all in favor of listening to their romantic drama—and, of course, making mental notes.
41 | Jogging while pretending to be Rocky
The spirit of the champion is undoubtedly present in you when you’re pounding the pavement, even though the movie’s famous theme song might not be on your playlist for your workout. Naturally, during the process, you’ve honed your competition-caliber jabs and right hooks.
42 | Having a pep talk with your pet
You are aware that not just people can benefit from occasional boosts to their self-esteem. Before a stroll or veterinarian visit, you have undoubtedly reminded your cherished pet how wonderful, intelligent, and unique they are.
43 | Being startled when you catch yourself on camera with your phone
One of the scariest things is pulling out your phone to take a picture and discovering that the front-facing camera is on. You’re definitely guilty of seeing yourself from that viewpoint, giving a loud yelp, and then swiftly quitting the camera app.
44 | Carelessly tossing change and receipts into your wallet to avoid standing in line
Does it really matter if the change is correct? You are aware that there are carts following you and that you won’t be the person causing congestion in the queue today.
45 | Giving that comfortable cricket leg rub in bed
When you climb into a freshly made bed, you know the feeling when you rub your legs together like a cricket chirping? What on earth gave rise to that instinct? It’s as though you’re attempting to make the bed feel even cozier by lighting a fire with your legs.
46 | Covertly diagnosing everyone in your doctor’s office waiting room
The man two rows over with the watery cough? Without a doubt, he is infectious.
47 | Chatting up airport security extra loudly to earn positive travel karma
You know, that’s the first thing airport security searches for. Someone who goes above and beyond to appear friendlier and more courteous than others should undoubtedly be brought straight to their gates and, if at all feasible, offered a complimentary upgrade.
48 | Holding off on departing for a few minutes after someone seats down close to you to avoid upsetting them
Nobody wants to sit next to a stranger, whether it’s at a movie theater, a public park, or an airport terminal—especially if there are other seats available. However, we also don’t want to come across as jerks. In order to avoid giving the impression that we are moving because of someone else, even though we are, we will wait a few minutes if someone takes the seat right next to us and causes us to become uncomfortable enough to get up.
49 | Convincing yourself that you are near death by researching your symptoms online
Why is it that we repeatedly make the same error? Do you know what a headache could mean? literally every deadly illness ever known!
50 | Feeling a great sense of relief when returning home after work and discovering the house is empty
It’s not like you don’t cherish your family and friends. However, you’re not required to be in the area at all times.
